Category Archives: Meditation

5 quotes to live by

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  1. “If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.” (Bertrand Russell)
  2. “Try to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment.” (Sydney Smith)
  3. “What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.” (Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama)
  4. “Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” (Nathaniel Hawthorne)
  5. “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” (Bertrand Russell)

The Fear of Failure: A rationalization

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What’s a failure? According to Wikipedia, failure refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success. Therefore, failure is the opposite of success, and that’s why fear of failure can reach really high levels. A process leading to failure or success involves a lot of decision-making. Many people are tormented by some decisions: they may even have a great idea, but do nothing to get it going, just for the fear of not succeeding. The most practical way to banish this fear is changing the attitude and the way we perceive failures. If we learn proper ways for decision-making, we could stop giving so much power and energy to the thoughts related to the possible consequences of our decisions, and thereby we could save ourselves from unnecessary suffering.

When we are walking the paths of life, we always learn something new, and in the learning process have to pour a few drops of sweat. There is no reward without effort. So, every time you try to learn something new you will have to invest some energy. That is the investment you have to do to achieve mastery in something. Do you want financial freedom? Well, you have to start learning how to make decisions and avoiding the fear stemming from mental scenaries of failure. Because financial freedom is not achieved only with the money. Wealth does not just mean to have a lot of money. If you’re hoping to win the lottery to get your financial freedom, you are standing on quicksand. Now, if you want to go on a safer, smarter road (and of course a little slower), it all depends on your learning process. You have to keep a positive attitude all the time, you have to be resilient, ready to overcome any failure. When you accept failure, when you learn to ignore failure scenearies because you’ll be ready to overcome them and keep going on, then the word failure will be erased from your mind. The trick is not to avoid thinking on failure; the trick is forming the mental disposition to, no matter the result of our decisions, keep going on. In fact, failure might become a powerful ally, an instructor, you will learn to stand up after falling. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder: remember that seemingly negative circumstances can turn into blessings.

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The Path of Self-Esteem

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Believing in oneself, in our capabilities, loving ourselves, that’s self-esteem. It does not depend on what other people think about us; it only depends on how (and what) we think about ourselves. People who suffer from low self-esteem (and low self-esteem is a real illness, a disease) are constantly seeking for approval of other people, there in the outside world. Of course everyone wants to be approved, loved and even admired by those around us. But we have to start by loving ourselves, and respecting each other internally.

Be strong. If we always try to impress by pretending what we are not, if we desperately seek applause or consent, if we need approbation of others, all the time, because otherwise we get depressed and let ourselves down, is because we lack sufficient self-esteem. We must not use appearances to hide our weakness and our lack of faith. It is as if beneath the tinsel we secretly know that our underwear is old, dirty and worn. That will also be perceived by our peers, and an x-ray machine is not needed to find it out. The feeling of worthlessness is transmitted. Because if you do not love yourself, no one will love you, and if you think you are worthless, other people will think it too.

Low self-esteem is a new concept in psychology, and its use has become commonplace, everyday, is the talk of the world. It might lead to real painful, dramatic suffering. An internal emptiness produces low self-esteem, inner loneliness, feeling nothing. To compensate for this deficiency some people try to link up with people they consider important and cool. Others flaunt their economic power, or knowledge, or of the trips they’ve made, or their acquired properties. No matter the mask, low self-esteem cannot be hidden. Think about all that people who seemingly had it all and ended painfully… they lacked the main thing: self-esteem.

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How to relax: overcoming anxiety

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Relaxation lowers down anxiety and helps your body and your mind recover from everyday stress. A long soak in the bath, your favorite relaxing music, or just a walk in the park do the trick for some people, but for others, sometimes, it’s not so easy. If you feel you need help with learning to relax, try consulting a professional, and following a relaxation or meditation program. Nevertheless, here we have a little program for you:

  1. Choose a quiet, calmed place where you won’t be interrupted.
  2. Before starting, do a few gentle stretching exercises to relieve muscular tension. Stretch your arms and try to smile.
  3. Sit or lie down, make yourself comfortable.
  4. Start to breathe slowly and deeply, in a calm and effortless way. If possible, try that the expiratory phase takes about two seconds longer than usual.
  5. Relax, little by little, each part of your body, starting with your feet and working your way up to your face and head.
  6. Push any distracting thoughts to the back of your mind; imagine them floating away.
  7. Don’t force relaxation. Simply let go of the tension in your muscles and allow them to become relaxed.
  8. Let your mind go empty. Some people find it helpful to visualise a calm, beautiful place such as a beach or a garden.
  9. Stay like this for several minutes, then take some deep breaths and open your eyes, but stay sitting or lying for a few moments before you get up.

Remember, relaxation is returning to equilibrium. Equilibrium is the base for a good health.

An exercise for building up mental discipline

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This is a neat exercise for developing mental discipline, a follow-up to our post about the power of a disciplined mind: choose a very sentimental piece of music which evokes a strong emotional response within you. Play it and let your feelings mix with your emotions. Just go with the flow emotionally. Surrender to the song and truly surrender to the emotions that the music makes you feel. Now play it a second time and, as before, go with the song. After a few moments, separate yourself from the flow of emotions. Watch them from the perspective of distance and watch how your emotional body is being manipulated by the music. Now listen to it a third time and resist the feeling of involvement with music. Refuse to engage with emotions that arise when handling your emotional body music. The fourth time you hear the piece, alternate between surrendering and not surrendering to the feelings of the music. Work on getting that power of choice. It is you who determines whether to surrender or not to the music. Now choose other equally sentimental pieces and practice your ability to participate or not in the emotional side of the song. As you practice this skill, take careful note of how this mechanism works.

The Power of a Disciplined Mind

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The wise man thinks about his troubles only when there is some purpose in doing so; at other times he thinks about other things, or, if it is night, about nothing at all. I do not mean to suggest that at a great crisis, for example, when ruin is imminent, or when a man has reason to suspect that his wife is deceiving him, it is possible, except to a few exceptionally disciplined minds, to shut out the trouble at moments when nothing can be done about it. But it is quite possible to shut out the ordinary troubles of ordinary days, except while they have to be dealt with. It is amazing how much both happiness and efficiency can be increased by the cultivation of an orderly mind, which thinks about a matter adequately at the right time rather than inadequately at all times. When a difficult or worrying decision has to be reached, as soon as all the data are available, give the matter your best thought and make your decision; having made the decision, do not revise it unless some new fact comes to your knowledge. Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile.

Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness.

Leaders, Energy and Success

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It’s an obvious statement that physical energy is required for entrepeneurship. Thanks to such physical energy we are able to demonstrate resilience, willpower and perseverance. On the other hand, intellectual energy fuels the process of discovering solutions to problems and enforcing other shades of thought. It’s also very important to highlight the role of intellectual energy in the support of emotional energy, i.e., our thoughts exert a heavy influence in our emotions (you may want to read Learning to believe in order to review some nuances of the relation between thought and emotion.) On turn, emotional energy drives all of our actions, and also, in a kind of loop, provides feedback for thought and physical systems. For instance, when we are loaded with positive energy, happiness and optimism, we convey our powerful and constructive emotional force to our projects and all the people involved in them. Sound emotional energy boosts our best feelings and opens the door to success.

Leaders radiate their happiness, and convey energy rather than absorbing it. People wishing to achieve success and raising to the top must be full of positive energy, and project it to the things they do. Willpower alone is not enough; it must be accompanied by a good deal of energy to undertake new businesses and projects, and to bear any hurdles along the way. Energy, when effectively conveyed to other people, allows us to lead them positively. Leaders are, in essence, sources of energy, and people will follow a true leader if they feel enhanced, relaxed and supported by their leader’s energy.

On Unrealized Dreams

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Great, renowned historic characters who shaped the world, and contemporary entrepeneurs who have achieved what they wanted, share a starting point: a big, unrealized dream. Let’s think of Lincoln, Bolívar, Napoleon, Gandhi, or even people we know and who have reached success: at first they were object of a lot of criticism (and perhaps we were very critical at them too.) Great projects, at first, tend to be the object of harsh criticism and censure. It’s precisely because of our beliefs that we condemn, censor and ridicule a lot of our own dreams.

We have to establish a clear distinction between dreams and wishes in order to minimize errors. A dream is a goal accompanied by a strong emotional force. On the other hand, wishes are events or states we’d like to see or experience, but which are lacking true emotional support.

To have an unrealized dream means we have to set positive goals, for us and everybody else. That (seemingly) simple action could lead to substantial improvements in our lives. Regardless of how ambitious or gigantic our dream could be, we are able, by conquering a series of smaller goals, to achieve such big dream. For instance, the student who wants to achieve a college degree, or the chef who wants to own her own restaurant: they will face a lot of complications, hurdles and obstacles, but by conquering their goals, little by little, they will be able to achieve success. The important thing regarding dreams is to know what we really want to achieve. That’ll be the topic of an upcoming post.

Learning to believe

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If we believe that we are able to do something, we’ll do it. If we believe we cannot do something, we won’t do it. The fact of believing or not influences our results, regardless of the area: sportive, economic, professional, personal, etc. If we repeat an assert a lot of times, we will ultimately believe it, and by carrying it out, we are able to modify our behavior. In other words, we reprogram ourselves. Words believe and belief take a central role and a special interest in regards to our capacity for success. In every case, we must research, recur to introspection and identify which beliefs are limiting us and preventing us from acting the way we’d like to. Beliefs are born and consolidate to produce, afterwards, positive or negative effects. Such beliefs influence our decisions. In fact, a belief is a deeply-rooted conviction.

We should differentiate clearly between beliefs and ideas. An idea is the mental image, devoid of action, which subsequently creates the belief. The belief, in turn, is a deeply-rooted conviction which influences our behavior and is present in our decision-making process. Beliefs stem from ideas, bearing positive or negative nuances. An idea can turn into a positive belief which will help us to personal growth and self-improvement. Our problems start when ideas are limiting, creating limiting beliefs, and dangerously constraining our behavior.

Furthermore, beliefs are affected by a series of events which surround an individual and influence his ideas. These events are: cultural background, job, opinions, accumulated experience, and the circle of influence. On each of these events a person develops her own ideas which will ultimately be reflected on the beliefs she embraces.

The constant search of negative references and the mental repetition of limiting phrases such as “I’ll never make it” lead us to unconsciously adopting negative behaviors. In this context, we are subjugated by the negative suggestions that we repeat to ourselves incessantly. The only way to break free from this constraining spiral is to be aware of our power to change negative approaches. Change has to start right now.

That’s why it’s so important to have and to form positive ideas, in order to let them to turn into deep, automatic positive beliefs. In this way these positive beliefs will influence our behavior, and will lead us to a successful life, full of victories. Hence, the first sentence of this post: If we believe that we are able to do something, we’ll do it. If we believe we cannot do something, we won’t do it.

Exercises

  • Repeat 5 times: “I am a positive person, I can achieve my goals and I…” (complete the phrase)
  • Identify a negative idea you have. Think about how you could turn it into a positive idea.
  • Meditate about your main goals right now. Are they realistic, are they attainable?
  • Do you fear failure? Meditate about this: Fearing failure is natural. Everyone fails. The problem is not failure, the problem is to halt after failing. Winners, leaders keep trying, and that’s why they’re are successful and different.

A version of this post, in Spanish, can be read here.