Category — Personal Development

You’re a wondrous being, a miracle called life. You’re unique. You’ve followed a path, a path which has turned you into what you’re now: energy, dreams, smiles, a lovely human being. Maybe you want more things, maybe you wish for more… that’s OK. Don’t blame the past for anything, as such past has allowed you to be here. And that past is offering you the opportunity to be better. The Beatles said it: All you need is love. And for loving, we have to start by loving ourselves. We have to love ourselves, we have to accept ourselves as we are right now: with our fears, our limitations, our physical image, our weaknesses, and our beliefs. If you do not love yourself, how may you be able to really love others? If you don’t accept yourself, if you don’t love yourself, you’ll probably end up looking in other people for such traits and features you don’t have and would like to have for being happy… but you will likely end up being hurt if that people go away. Love yourself, right now:

1. Accept your weaknesses. They’re are part of you.
2. Forgive yourself. All those things that you “perceive” you have done wrong… they’re past. You don’t live in the past anymore. You can only control the present time. Past & Future are just images, not reality.
3. Express your feelings with total freedom.
4. Don’t worry about things you cannot have control over. Instead, focus on the only things you can really control: your decisions right now.
5. Trust your inner values and your personal resources. Don’t be afraid of losing, go ahead!
6. Believe in your positive experiences, believe there’s an abundance in health and life for you.
7. Don’t fight your negative thoughts or your fears… when you’re feeling negative or scared, thank your mind and your body for such thoughts and emotions, and leave them behind, you’re very positive and brilliant and have a lot of wonderful things to do.
8. Do this exercise: write a little and happy song about those things that you fear the most. And sing it occasionally
9. Do this other exercise: close your eyes and visualize yourself as a small child. Imagine this child laughing and running through some beautiful scenery, full of colors, full of life. Hug this child close to you. Tell him or her how much they are loved, and how special he or she is.
10. Enjoy your body and care of it through nutrition and exercise.

Life is beautiful. Enjoy it

To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

G. K. Chesterton

During a recent trip I had the pleasure of reading and commenting a wonderful book about management: Lead Well and Prosper (15 successful strategies for becoming a good manager) by Nick McCormick. Please, note that I’ve read several books about management, but this is the first one I read on the management subject that does not feel boring in any way, in any moment. It’s a very concise book, not wordy and not vague. In fact, the book grasps your attention from the first chapter, “Adopt a serving attitude”, which sets up the dynamic for the rest of the book, and clearly demonstrates that the author has plenty of practical experience on the subject, i.e., that he knows what he is talking about. The book tries (and succeeds) to improve the reading and learning experience, by using a direct language and funny cartoons at the start of each chapter. Cartoons humorously depict a wrong management attitude or behavior, which the rest of the chapter will explain how to correct. Besides, cartoons are refreshing and provide and outlook of the topic to be presented in the chapter. More than a guide, the book turns out to be a friend.

The book’s structure is lovely simple. Fifteen chapters which focus on specific management issues:

Chapter 1 – Adopt a serving attitude: Be humble, serve and love your team (but don’t let your team members to walk all over you either… balance is the key).
Chapter 2 – Teach: Management is a teaching experience. Improving your staff skills, sharing your knowledge, will yield better results. I liked the book’s suggestion about hiring people with potential, rather than focusing solely on experience.
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When a man is born, his habitat is already defined. Eventually, he will adapt to it, i.e., he acquires the required consistency that will help him to overcome the obstacles that life has. This way, mankind achieves such intrinsic nature that defines a concrete existence in time and space, further arriving to a propensity to act according to its own discretion, and not in concert with the community, becoming isolated and selfish in affections, interests, studies, and other dimensions. Finally, the man becomes full of himself, forfeiting any other purposes.

Thus, since the VIII century, individualism constituted a topic of controversy. Several centuries later, St. Thomas Aquinas says that the principle of individualization is, in sensible things, “matter”, while for Duns Scotus it’s only a philosophical form that he calls haecceitas, i.e., this, here, and that reduce to the ultimate essential reality of each individual, i.e., particularly distinguishable from one class, collection or series, indivisible, impossible to separate in parts without altering its character, without stopping being a mere being. Therefore, at least, the individual contains two principles: its nature and its individual entity, elements that exist only by a formal distinction, not by factual reality.

The individual is a real being, unlike its species, which is ideal. The problem that creates this concept derives from the relationship essence-existence, an understanding of the nature of the singular, and so further. With this value, the problem of individualism comprises the fields of sociology, psychology, and politics, invading existentialism.

Self-centered people creates a harmful environment, which typically leads to irreversible damage. Because society has been imbued with these people’s actions, it has been steadily adapting to such individualistic behavior, which in turn leads to societies being directed by monopolies and messianic pseudo-leaders. Often, development of such societies depends on unilateral theories, normally based on confrontation, created by the diversity of characters and conceptualizations.

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A goal is a very specific result that we want to achieve in a precise, future time. It’s an experience not yet lived, although firmly wished. Let’s recall from our first post about goals, that an objective or goal is a personal or perhaps organizational desired end point in development. It is usually endeavored to be reached in finite time by setting deadlines. Albeit goals, dreams and expectations are related concepts, there are important differences that will be discussed further on. As it often occurs with dreams, there are virtually no limits on the number of goals we may set, since goals represent, in essence, states or things that we wish to achieve in the future. Unlike dreams, though, goals require that we define them precisely, and we have to work for them in the present time, right now. Thereby, goals are nearer, within reach.

Goals and Expectations

We should not confuse goals and expectations. Goals are the concrete and positive result of a fulfilled wish, and they provide satisfaction and success. On its side, expectations are focused on the behavior that we expect from other people. Setting a goal also means directing all our efforts towards achieving the goal, combining several tasks in order to attain it. However, to have an expectation reduces to delegating our wishes to the lucky concurrence of external factors.

Therefore, setting goals helps us to empower strategies, to create effectivity and to dominate the process of achieving whatever thing we wish. Besides, our goals create new opportunities, and improve our capacity for overcoming obstacles and conquering unexpected hurdles. As we move forward and reach the little goals that we had set, we also have the feeling of walking our paths faster, with a boosted self-confidence and a diminishing desire to return to the past. By the way, when we feel little or no desire to return to the past, we can be sure that we have improved as human beings.

Goals and Dreams

As aforesaid, a difference between goals and dreams lies in the time required for reaching them. Goals are closer. Besides, motivation also establishes a notorious difference between goals and dreams. We have more immediate and realistic motivations for reaching goals. On the contrary, dreams’ motivation is typically diffuse, sometimes very unclear.

However, dreams are the ultimate fuel of life, no matter how fuzzy they may be. As life moves on, we will feel the dream, approach the dream, dream the dream… we will be continuously reshaping the dream. Dreams are, after all, made of a very malleable matter. In life, we walk towards the sun, and our sun is composed of just dreams. Every step toward such sun kills a doubt. And each of such steps is a goal.

Organizing our Goals

We have to prepare a few lists for visualizing our goals and, in general, our action and thinking paths. When we write down our goals in a list, we are defining and outlining a plan to reach the goals. We are committing ourselves to fulfilling them based on practical aspects. On the contrary, the list of dreams contains relatively remote possibilities, excepting perhaps the first or second dream. In order to reach the first dream of the list, we have to conquer a chain of goals. In short, goals are the intermediate steps required for achieving the ultimate objective of your life.

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Typically, the first prerequisite for a shining job interview is a well-redacted and organized Résumé. A shining Résumé can move you to the first places of a list comprising perhaps hundreds of prospects. Therefore, your Résumé should list your best germane abilities for the job you are applying to… those abilities that would guarantee a star performance in the job. Remember that you are the ultimate responsible for highlighting your attributes to constitute a valid option to integrate the new team that the company is forming. In order to determine which of your abilities are the most suited for the job…

you have to research your potential employer beforehand

…that will give you a very important lead. Get as much information as you can about the business, and also about the potential interviewers (you should research their style and attitude… that’s very important). If you know someone who has previously taken an interview in that company, talk with them about their experiences in the interview. Try to extract pure information, i.e., don’t let them to influence you (specially about the job being impossible or, on the contrary, being too easy).

1. First Approach

Remember that you have to dress with a professional look, according to the nature of the job. You are a professional… thereby each and every aspect of you must communicate that fact. Now, during the interview, take into account that Interviewers will ask questions related to their company, for example, why would you like to work for us? They may ask you about your opinion on the company’s products or history. Typically, this information is available on the company’s website, and by knowing it you demonstrate a genuine interest for the job.

2. Virtues and Limitations

Talk about your virtues, but not excessively. In this regards apply balance and good sense. Answer this question presenting your virtues in the context of the requirements of the job you’re applying to, with a clear and concise language. However, other almost granted question they will do is about your defects, thereby you must also be prepared to answer that. Furthermore, the interviewer may ask about your abilities and limitations: prepare an answer beforehand in order to allow you to present your defects as a new opportunity for keep improving.

3. Expect the Unexpected

You have to be ready for anything… a group interview, a forum about some specific problem of the company, a written exam, and so on. Carry any material you think you may need: think of the interview as your first day of work.

When entering to the interview, greet to your interviewer with a smile. Visual contact must also be direct and firm (but not exceedingly). Remember that, no matter the circumstances, you have to act formally instead of dared or zany (refer to your interviewer using his title… Dr., Mr., Engineer, etc.), unless they demand you to treat them informally (but that’s relatively rare; read point 6. Be on the alert). Listen to your interviewer very carefully. Sometimes the applicants are so focused in the things they want to say that forget what they are really being asked about. No answer is good if it does not truly answer the matter asked about.

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Typically, the first prerequisite for a sound job application is a well-redacted and organized Résumé (a document closely related to the Curriculum Vitae, but the latter focuses more on education, publications, and other accomplishments). A shining résumé can move you to the first places of a list comprising perhaps hundreds of prospects. Therefore, your résumé should list your germane abilities according to the job you are applying to… remark those abilities that would guarantee a star performance in the job. Remember that you are the ultimate responsible for highlighting your attributes to constitute a valid option to integrate the new team that the company is forming. However, a good résumé is not a guarantee of success, but it indeed is our presentation letter, and it may be the deciding factor in the employer’s final decission. Often the résumé is processed by the employers in order to select a group of applicants for interviewing them. Thereby, our résumé has to grab the employer’s attention positively. Our résumé has to be professionally elaborated, and reflect clearly, concisely and attractively the information about our academic and professional achievements. A résumé is our marketing letter… and our first goal has to be that the recruiters or prospective employers can’t put down our résumé.

Let’s see how recruiters or prospective employers will not put down our résumé.

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After publishing my friend’s message and commenting on her intentions to take a vacations trip, I somehow wished to take a little vacation too. As I have no ties to prevent it, I adhered to my wish. I took a few days trip to eastern Venezuela, totally disconnected from the Internet and the current rush of technology. Over there, I met up with a longtime friend and her family… It had been ages since I saw them last, so it was good to finally catch up, and we all had a good time and a lot of stories to tell. Thank God, they’re OK, in general. All of her kids have grown up nicely, already graduated, and have married. Except for the eldest daughter, who has a health problem. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with diabetes, and that fact did lead to many drastic changes in her lifestyle. Of course, now she follows healthier food and exercise habits, which is totally recommendable (and mandatory!). However, there are some changes which are too excessive and harmful, in my opinion. Despite her disease is medically controlled, and shes does not feel any physical problem (on the contrary, she externally reveals a spectacular health condition), her courage and joy have fallen considerably. She used to be a playful and lively girl, but now she decided to give up parties, to go shopping with her friends, love… and everything joyful, simply because she is afraid of suffering a sudden, unexpected diabetic complication or coma, amidst the happiness of the reunion. She would become a disturbance… others would see her weak and in panic, prey to fear. And she does not want to go through that. She is concerned about what might happen, and what her friends could say. In a sense, she fears rejection.

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Let’s continue with our condensed Meditation Gems series. Today we’ll discuss appearances, an ancient concern. As far back as Aesop’s fable, The Ant and the Chrysalis, the moral “Appearances are deceptive” is present. We have to acknowledge that self-confidence relies greatly on how we see ourselves. Whether this inner perception represents the stairway to a broader and successful vision of life, or is the path to ruin, depends solely upon ourselves. The things we think about and the things we do define our true identity. People afraid of failures skip from one idea to another almost endlessly, and thereby rarely get hold of success. Facing the hard circumstances of the real world, our fears would recommend to step back in order to avoid (possible) injuries. Self-confidence provides the fuel to fight these fears. The world belongs to brave people. Nevertheless, being brave does not mean to live recklessly, as self-confidence also allows us to realize our limits as imperfect human beings. The key word is balance. For self-confidence, bravery must join forces with humility. Being afraid of failure opens the door to appearances, but being unaware of failure leads to frustration. When the required balance is disrupted, desperate for filling up the void, we tend to recur to a harmful resource: appearances. With appearances we try to fill up the gap in our souls, related to our need for faking our limitations and guising them as “intentional” patterns in our life.

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It is very difficult, although not impossible, to win a race if we have to start down in a hole. However, this is the precise handicap which a lot of people face during their search for happiness. Because of such handicap, climbing out of the hole and arriving to at least the starting line represents an exhausting endeavor. Apparently, this is not logical… this is not how life should be. But truth be told, we can only start from the position we are right now, and we can only use the resources available to us right now. In order to achieve happiness we have to shut off perturbing messages, such as “I cannot”, “I’m going to lose”, “Maybe tomorrow is a better day”, and so further. We have to put all these miscreant ideas aside from our mind, to remove these slimy sentences which do not contribute to our goals. It’s easier for us to attribute the responsibility of our failures and defeats to others… those who taught us, for instance. Some people like to attribute to their parents and teachers an alleged fraud… everything bad has been their fault, not ours. They hold on to the past. They are losers. On the contrary, winners focus on overcoming each obstacle that rises until accomplishing their goals. Winners want to be happy and to bring happiness to all the people around them, sharing the love, their views on life, and perhaps, their goals.

Some serious studies demonstrate that people from developed countries are not necessarily the happiest ones. A lot of nationals and residents of such countries manifest to feel unhappier than those of some developing or poorer countries. In this sense, let’s recall the Easterlin paradox, based on a study by professor and economist Richard Easterlin: Does Economic Growth Improve the Human Lot? published in 1974, while he was with the University of Pennsylvania. Basically, the paradox states that economic growth does not necessarily lead to more satisfaction. It’s obvious that people in poor countries become happier once they can afford basic necessities. But the important idea behind Easterlin paradox is that absolute income does not matter as much as relative income does. In other words, how much you make compared with others around you is what really matters. To put it in today’s terms, owning an iPod doesn’t make you happier, because you then want an iPod Touch

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