Shyness

1. Acknowledge your fear and accept it as a specific and particular feature of your personality. Do not try to get rid of it immediately: even if you think you’ve succeded at first, the fear will likely return. The issue here is not to eliminate fear, what we have to do is assimilate fear, understand it, point it out, handle it. Fear vanishes only when it realizes of its inability to distress us anymore.

2. Talk about your fears and share your experiences with others. This way, you will get accustomed to your fear and will handle it normally.

3. Decode your fear and try to elaborate a definition of it. Which feelings activate when you’re afraid? Anguish, sorrow, disappointment, guilt, helplessness?Identify each of the feelings, and analyze them carefully: perhaps they’re hiding a deeper problem.

4. Find all the information you need. The most you know about your fears, the least they will be able to disturb you.

5. Analyze your fears calmly. Fears almost always come from a wrong perception of reality. Try to spot what aspect of reality you’re perceiving mistakenly.

6. Think about your victories, focus on your successes. Most often than not, fears stem from a lack of self-confidence. List your qualities, learn to love yourself. Talk about yourself with respect and affection. Avoid recriminations and insults.

7. Ask someone to help you and support you: someone who works as an observer, could later tell you if you behaved right or not.

8. Give yourself a period of time to anticipate positive outcomes, look different options and make a list of positive things that can happen, try to visualize yourself successfully performing them, “see yourself” while performing. Think positive: “I’m talking to people and I am relaxed”, “They’re listening to me as I talk”, “I’m giving my opinion and it’s valued”, etc.

9. Once you overcome the fear, share the pride of success you’ve achieved. Remember the person you were, a preson previously dominated by shyness and make a positive comparison between what you are today and what you were yesterday. Identify the little victories that led you to be a person with self-confidence.

10. Try to describe the future as you would like it to be, looking good and with problems resolved. Experience and enjoy the relaxing and happy feelings that such positive imagination produces in your mind and body.

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The problem is when fear is fear itself. That’s when people get stuck. They avoid facing life because of the fear of being afraid. In other words, we are avoiding self-growth, we don’t move forward. At the outset, fears might seem as high as huge fortress walls, impossible to access. However, beyond fears, there is a new world containing hides greatness, happiness, and more importantly, life. We should think if we want to live avoiding the bitterness of fears, or to live our lives at their fullest. Because unfortunately, life truly begins from the moment our fingers crush the huge rocks that make up the great fortress of fears; that’s when we really begin to live.

Think about it, spend a few minutes of your time to think if you stopped living in fear of being afraid. Think about which side of the fortress you are. Surely there is still enough time to pass through the walls.

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Be strong. If we always try to impress by pretending what we are not, if we desperately seek applause or consent, if we need approbation of others, all the time, because otherwise we get depressed and let ourselves down, is because we lack sufficient self-esteem. We must not use appearances to hide our weakness and our lack of faith. It is as if beneath the tinsel we secretly know that our underwear is old, dirty and worn. That will also be perceived by our peers, and an x-ray machine is not needed to find it out. The feeling of worthlessness is transmitted. Because if you do not love yourself, no one will love you, and if you think you are worthless, other people will think it too.

Low self-esteem is a new concept in psychology, and its use has become commonplace, everyday, is the talk of the world. It might lead to real painful, dramatic suffering. An internal emptiness produces low self-esteem, inner loneliness, feeling nothing. To compensate for this deficiency some people try to link up with people they consider important and cool. Others flaunt their economic power, or knowledge, or of the trips they’ve made, or their acquired properties. No matter the mask, low self-esteem cannot be hidden. Think about all that people who seemingly had it all and ended painfully… they lacked the main thing: self-esteem.

For raising and building up self-esteem, I provide a few keypoints for meditation. Think about each fact just as it is.

• We forge the quality of our lives, according to our image of happiness.
• We decide what is the image of our own person, what we want to be.
• We decided on our own worth and how much happiness we want.
• The first step in improving our results is changing the way we think and talk about ourselves.
• Our image is like a thermostat and our performance occurs within the preset limits.
• The image we have of ourselves, we determined we can think or concentrate.
• A healthy self-esteem allows us to fulfill our own desires and also those of others.
• This means we can be proud of our achievements without having to disclose them to everybody, and we can accept our limitations in the journey to improve ourselves.
• A healthy self-esteem means that we are not obliged to justify, to ourselves or to anyone, the things we do.
• We feel comfortable doing things that add quality and beauty to our lives.
• We can make an estimate of our own image observing those around us.
• Our tendency is to build relationships with those who treat us like we deserve.
• People with a healthy image of themselves command respect from others.
• They themselves are given good treatment, and thereby tell the other people how to treat them.
• People treat us like we treat ourselves.
• Those with whom we interact quickly realize if we respect ourselves. If we treat them with respect, they will do the same to us!
• Our behavior and our subconscious programming interact with the concept that we have about ourselves.
• The way we interact with other people reflects the degree of appreciation we have for ourselves at any given time.
• Poor self-image makes us think that we deserve nothing, this leads to sabotaging our own happiness.
• Change is difficult. The bad image tends to perpetuate itself.
• When trying to change, old patterns of guilt and self-deception will fiercely resist to disappear. Patience and perseverance is the key.
• It is critical that we do everything necessary to have (and keep) positive thoughts.
• Self-esteem is a key for happiness.

Let’s think about these keypoints

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We have to establish a clear distinction between dreams and wishes in order to minimize errors. A dream is a goal accompanied by a strong emotional force. On the other hand, wishes are events or states we’d like to see or experience, but which are lacking true emotional support.

To have an unrealized dream means we have to set positive goals, for us and everybody else. That (seemingly) simple action could lead to substantial improvements in our lives. Regardless of how ambitious or gigantic our dream could be, we are able, by conquering a series of smaller goals, to achieve such big dream. For instance, the student who wants to achieve a college degree, or the chef who wants to own her own restaurant: they will face a lot of complications, hurdles and obstacles, but by conquering their goals, little by little, they will be able to achieve success. The important thing regarding dreams is to know what we really want to achieve. That’ll be the topic of an upcoming post.

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My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose – somehow we win out.

Ronald Reagan

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

R. W. Emerson

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1. Accept your weaknesses. They’re are part of you.
2. Forgive yourself. All those things that you “perceive” you have done wrong… they’re past. You don’t live in the past anymore. You can only control the present time. Past & Future are just images, not reality.
3. Express your feelings with total freedom.
4. Don’t worry about things you cannot have control over. Instead, focus on the only things you can really control: your decisions right now.
5. Trust your inner values and your personal resources. Don’t be afraid of losing, go ahead!
6. Believe in your positive experiences, believe there’s an abundance in health and life for you.
7. Don’t fight your negative thoughts or your fears… when you’re feeling negative or scared, thank your mind and your body for such thoughts and emotions, and leave them behind, you’re very positive and brilliant and have a lot of wonderful things to do.
8. Do this exercise: write a little and happy song about those things that you fear the most. And sing it occasionally
9. Do this other exercise: close your eyes and visualize yourself as a small child. Imagine this child laughing and running through some beautiful scenery, full of colors, full of life. Hug this child close to you. Tell him or her how much they are loved, and how special he or she is.
10. Enjoy your body and care of it through nutrition and exercise.

Life is beautiful. Enjoy it

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you have to research your potential employer beforehand

…that will give you a very important lead. Get as much information as you can about the business, and also about the potential interviewers (you should research their style and attitude… that’s very important). If you know someone who has previously taken an interview in that company, talk with them about their experiences in the interview. Try to extract pure information, i.e., don’t let them to influence you (specially about the job being impossible or, on the contrary, being too easy).

1. First Approach

Remember that you have to dress with a professional look, according to the nature of the job. You are a professional… thereby each and every aspect of you must communicate that fact. Now, during the interview, take into account that Interviewers will ask questions related to their company, for example, why would you like to work for us? They may ask you about your opinion on the company’s products or history. Typically, this information is available on the company’s website, and by knowing it you demonstrate a genuine interest for the job.

2. Virtues and Limitations

Talk about your virtues, but not excessively. In this regards apply balance and good sense. Answer this question presenting your virtues in the context of the requirements of the job you’re applying to, with a clear and concise language. However, other almost granted question they will do is about your defects, thereby you must also be prepared to answer that. Furthermore, the interviewer may ask about your abilities and limitations: prepare an answer beforehand in order to allow you to present your defects as a new opportunity for keep improving.

3. Expect the Unexpected

You have to be ready for anything… a group interview, a forum about some specific problem of the company, a written exam, and so on. Carry any material you think you may need: think of the interview as your first day of work.

When entering to the interview, greet to your interviewer with a smile. Visual contact must also be direct and firm (but not exceedingly). Remember that, no matter the circumstances, you have to act formally instead of dared or zany (refer to your interviewer using his title… Dr., Mr., Engineer, etc.), unless they demand you to treat them informally (but that’s relatively rare; read point 6. Be on the alert). Listen to your interviewer very carefully. Sometimes the applicants are so focused in the things they want to say that forget what they are really being asked about. No answer is good if it does not truly answer the matter asked about.

4. Language

Be careful about the expressions and style you use to communicate your ideas. Don’t use inadequate, informal or excessively colloquial phrases.

5. Gestures

Be careful with your corporal language too. A firm handshake transmit self-confidence. A good posture also reflects confidence. Don’t act disturbed or nervous. Lean sligthly towards your interviewer in order to show interest in his words.

6. Be on the alert

Expert interviewers know human nature very well. An expert interviewer will quickly create a relaxed and trusting atmosphere for you, in order to expose your real behavior and ideas. However, never forget that he is there evaluating you, so no matter the confidence and comradeship he shows, you must always act as a professional. Novice interviewers, on the contrary, often act very arrogantly… fight off their arrogance by showing yourself relaxed and breezy (never answer the interviewer’s arrogance with more arrogance!).

7. Keep your moral high

Regarding this point, I recommend reading the posts The Winner’s Mind and The 7 Attributes of Leadership.

8. Secrets of a Critical Thinking Interviewer

Finally, good interviewers know how to distinguish good prospects from bad ones. They know that two people with the same job title may differ in at least one of the following ways:

• ability to perform the work
• interest in the work
• experience with similar applications
• experience with similar tools
• experience with similar techniques
• experience with similar working environment
• training
• ability to communicate with others
• ability to share responsibility with others
• management skills

Each of these characteristics can affect an individual’s ability to perform productively. These variations help to explain why one employee can complete a particular chore in a day, whereas another requires a week. The differences can be critical, not only to schedule estimation, but also to the entire success of the company’s projects. An expert interviewer knows that.

I wish you good luck on your interview and hope that you get the job!

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Therefore, she has forfeited happiness, fearing “what might happen.” Albeit she knows that her disease is successfully controlled, “she does not feel the required confidence”… Confidence in who or what? Confidence in her doctors? No. I told her that she did not have confidence in herself. It had nothing to do with diabetes, specifically. She was just doubting her ability to respond to unexpected situations, related or not to her diabetes. Needless to say, very improbable situations. Fear is always the finished product of a lack of self-confidence. Besides, fear is never innocent.

I think that we should not worry about what might happen. It’s fine to review the possibilities, the things that may happen… logically, some results will be better than others. But we must not surrender to fear or worries. Rather than worrying about future possibilities, we should focus on living the present. 90% of those things that worry us do never occur. Concerning about the future is falling prey to anxiety… During such anxiety episodes, we want the future to arrive now, as soon as possible, to live it now… Sometimes living the future now is the only cure we find to our head spinning for the ocean of possibilities and those “things that might happen.” But that is totally wrong.

Time is wise, and shares its wisdom with those who are patient. Things occur, good or bad… things just happen. That should be obvious. And when they happen, we act accordingly. More often than not, we cannot anticipate how such “accordingly acting” should be. An that’s normal. However, problems raise when our minds tend to fall into the trap of believing that by “anticipating” we have a better chance of success once things have occurred. Yes, that’s true, “to anticipate” aids a lot. But… how many variables must we handle in order to our anticipation to be meaningful? Therein lies the problem: the amount of variables involved in our anticipated reasoning. To solve a concrete problem in some specific area (e.g., Physics, Economics, etc.), “to anticipate” can be crucial. In real life, anticipating would also be good… but life has an almost infinite number of variables beyond our reach, and therefore perfectly anticipating a situation makes no sense, and in fact, is unattainable beyond luck’s grounds. We have no control over the future. We must plan, in order to improve our chance of success, but we must also recognize our limits (be humble!): a perfect plan does not amount to a perfect future. Our true option is to live the present… by acting we enforce the bit of control we have over the present.

Finally, I like to think that life is multicolored. And it’s up to us which colors we do choose. Behind every joy there is always a bitterness, and each misfortune encloses some advantage. We select our colors. Again, don’t concern about the future… Let’s act right now! Future will always arrive, no matter our plans… we cannot change that fact. But once future has arrived, let’s act with self-confidence. By acting now, we show and enjoy the colors of our life.

Be happy

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All of her daughters are married, attending their own families. Mrs. Paula sees each of these new families as the result of her self-confidence. She knew she could do it, and now she’s proud of such accomplishment. Now, she is enjoying her grandchildren and 15 bucks a day to spend on fun and relax. She loves reading good books, and every morning she surfs Internet to look for any breaking news. With her 15 bucks she enjoys Margarita’s casinos, visits malls, goes to the beach, or simply buys a few mint candies. Sometimes, she simply spend her nights weaving sweaters for her family members. She holds firmly to a simple moral: live as you want (free!) looking for your own success, but without hurting others.

Starting this week, she’s on vacation to the land of the rising sun. And she seems very excited about her plans in Japan. As in the past, her husband will be her only companion. Enjoy! You both deserve it. And good luck with your Pachinko bidding

Thank you very much, Mrs. Paula

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