Shyness

1. Acknowledge your fear and accept it as a specific and particular feature of your personality. Do not try to get rid of it immediately: even if you think you’ve succeded at first, the fear will likely return. The issue here is not to eliminate fear, what we have to do is assimilate fear, understand it, point it out, handle it. Fear vanishes only when it realizes of its inability to distress us anymore.

2. Talk about your fears and share your experiences with others. This way, you will get accustomed to your fear and will handle it normally.

3. Decode your fear and try to elaborate a definition of it. Which feelings activate when you’re afraid? Anguish, sorrow, disappointment, guilt, helplessness?Identify each of the feelings, and analyze them carefully: perhaps they’re hiding a deeper problem.

4. Find all the information you need. The most you know about your fears, the least they will be able to disturb you.

5. Analyze your fears calmly. Fears almost always come from a wrong perception of reality. Try to spot what aspect of reality you’re perceiving mistakenly.

6. Think about your victories, focus on your successes. Most often than not, fears stem from a lack of self-confidence. List your qualities, learn to love yourself. Talk about yourself with respect and affection. Avoid recriminations and insults.

7. Ask someone to help you and support you: someone who works as an observer, could later tell you if you behaved right or not.

8. Give yourself a period of time to anticipate positive outcomes, look different options and make a list of positive things that can happen, try to visualize yourself successfully performing them, “see yourself” while performing. Think positive: “I’m talking to people and I am relaxed”, “They’re listening to me as I talk”, “I’m giving my opinion and it’s valued”, etc.

9. Once you overcome the fear, share the pride of success you’ve achieved. Remember the person you were, a preson previously dominated by shyness and make a positive comparison between what you are today and what you were yesterday. Identify the little victories that led you to be a person with self-confidence.

10. Try to describe the future as you would like it to be, looking good and with problems resolved. Experience and enjoy the relaxing and happy feelings that such positive imagination produces in your mind and body.

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When we are walking the paths of life, we always learn something new, and in the learning process have to pour a few drops of sweat. There is no reward without effort. So, every time you try to learn something new you will have to invest some energy. That is the investment you have to do to achieve mastery in something. Do you want financial freedom? Well, you have to start learning how to make decisions and avoiding the fear stemming from mental scenaries of failure. Because financial freedom is not achieved only with the money. Wealth does not just mean to have a lot of money. If you’re hoping to win the lottery to get your financial freedom, you are standing on quicksand. Now, if you want to go on a safer, smarter road (and of course a little slower), it all depends on your learning process. You have to keep a positive attitude all the time, you have to be resilient, ready to overcome any failure. When you accept failure, when you learn to ignore failure scenearies because you’ll be ready to overcome them and keep going on, then the word failure will be erased from your mind. The trick is not to avoid thinking on failure; the trick is forming the mental disposition to, no matter the result of our decisions, keep going on. In fact, failure might become a powerful ally, an instructor, you will learn to stand up after falling. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder: remember that seemingly negative circumstances can turn into blessings.

Considering an error or a failure as a disastrous event, is to give it the power to defeat you. On the contrary, think that for every possibility of failure there is also a hidden victory. Just took a look at the other side of the coin. If you fail for some reason, don’t worry: try again. What is the problem? What do you fear? To lose it all? And what is it? You came into the world with nothing and you will leave with nothing. Never miss the opportunity to cultivate and improve yourself. In fact the only thing that remains is that the body and material wealth only serve as instruments to accomplish something: hapiness. What is that thing? Discover who you are, build a happy reality, and live in it. Focus on self-mastery and on our universal and individual purpose. Therefore, failure is just the result of a decision, and no matter the decision, the result, goal or the process… all of it is relatively insignificant compared to the magnitude of the universe and our inner selves. This is the importance of internal growth: wealth of soul and mind last forever. What I mean is: do not be afraid of making mistakes. We all make mistakes You can always try again, try, try and try until you succeed. Because every time you’re trying, you learn new things, you are growing and getting one step closer to your personal and spiritual progress. Remember the power of a disciplined mind: when you have to make a difficult decision, start thinking about it only after all the data are available; then give the problem your best thought and make your decision: just after making the decision, do not revise it unless some new fact arrives to your knowledge. Let the decision consequences to develop, and consider that nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile.

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Be strong. If we always try to impress by pretending what we are not, if we desperately seek applause or consent, if we need approbation of others, all the time, because otherwise we get depressed and let ourselves down, is because we lack sufficient self-esteem. We must not use appearances to hide our weakness and our lack of faith. It is as if beneath the tinsel we secretly know that our underwear is old, dirty and worn. That will also be perceived by our peers, and an x-ray machine is not needed to find it out. The feeling of worthlessness is transmitted. Because if you do not love yourself, no one will love you, and if you think you are worthless, other people will think it too.

Low self-esteem is a new concept in psychology, and its use has become commonplace, everyday, is the talk of the world. It might lead to real painful, dramatic suffering. An internal emptiness produces low self-esteem, inner loneliness, feeling nothing. To compensate for this deficiency some people try to link up with people they consider important and cool. Others flaunt their economic power, or knowledge, or of the trips they’ve made, or their acquired properties. No matter the mask, low self-esteem cannot be hidden. Think about all that people who seemingly had it all and ended painfully… they lacked the main thing: self-esteem.

For raising and building up self-esteem, I provide a few keypoints for meditation. Think about each fact just as it is.

• We forge the quality of our lives, according to our image of happiness.
• We decide what is the image of our own person, what we want to be.
• We decided on our own worth and how much happiness we want.
• The first step in improving our results is changing the way we think and talk about ourselves.
• Our image is like a thermostat and our performance occurs within the preset limits.
• The image we have of ourselves, we determined we can think or concentrate.
• A healthy self-esteem allows us to fulfill our own desires and also those of others.
• This means we can be proud of our achievements without having to disclose them to everybody, and we can accept our limitations in the journey to improve ourselves.
• A healthy self-esteem means that we are not obliged to justify, to ourselves or to anyone, the things we do.
• We feel comfortable doing things that add quality and beauty to our lives.
• We can make an estimate of our own image observing those around us.
• Our tendency is to build relationships with those who treat us like we deserve.
• People with a healthy image of themselves command respect from others.
• They themselves are given good treatment, and thereby tell the other people how to treat them.
• People treat us like we treat ourselves.
• Those with whom we interact quickly realize if we respect ourselves. If we treat them with respect, they will do the same to us!
• Our behavior and our subconscious programming interact with the concept that we have about ourselves.
• The way we interact with other people reflects the degree of appreciation we have for ourselves at any given time.
• Poor self-image makes us think that we deserve nothing, this leads to sabotaging our own happiness.
• Change is difficult. The bad image tends to perpetuate itself.
• When trying to change, old patterns of guilt and self-deception will fiercely resist to disappear. Patience and perseverance is the key.
• It is critical that we do everything necessary to have (and keep) positive thoughts.
• Self-esteem is a key for happiness.

Let’s think about these keypoints

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The wise man thinks about his troubles only when there is some purpose in doing so; at other times he thinks about other things, or, if it is night, about nothing at all. I do not mean to suggest that at a great crisis, for example, when ruin is imminent, or when a man has reason to suspect that his wife is deceiving him, it is possible, except to a few exceptionally disciplined minds, to shut out the trouble at moments when nothing can be done about it. But it is quite possible to shut out the ordinary troubles of ordinary days, except while they have to be dealt with. It is amazing how much both happiness and efficiency can be increased by the cultivation of an orderly mind, which thinks about a matter adequately at the right time rather than inadequately at all times. When a difficult or worrying decision has to be reached, as soon as all the data are available, give the matter your best thought and make your decision; having made the decision, do not revise it unless some new fact comes to your knowledge. Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile.

Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness.

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We have to establish a clear distinction between dreams and wishes in order to minimize errors. A dream is a goal accompanied by a strong emotional force. On the other hand, wishes are events or states we’d like to see or experience, but which are lacking true emotional support.

To have an unrealized dream means we have to set positive goals, for us and everybody else. That (seemingly) simple action could lead to substantial improvements in our lives. Regardless of how ambitious or gigantic our dream could be, we are able, by conquering a series of smaller goals, to achieve such big dream. For instance, the student who wants to achieve a college degree, or the chef who wants to own her own restaurant: they will face a lot of complications, hurdles and obstacles, but by conquering their goals, little by little, they will be able to achieve success. The important thing regarding dreams is to know what we really want to achieve. That’ll be the topic of an upcoming post.

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We should differentiate clearly between beliefs and ideas. An idea is the mental image, devoid of action, which subsequently creates the belief. The belief, in turn, is a deeply-rooted conviction which influences our behavior and is present in our decision-making process. Beliefs stem from ideas, bearing positive or negative nuances. An idea can turn into a positive belief which will help us to personal growth and self-improvement. Our problems start when ideas are limiting, creating limiting beliefs, and dangerously constraining our behavior.

Furthermore, beliefs are affected by a series of events which surround an individual and influence his ideas. These events are: cultural background, job, opinions, accumulated experience, and the circle of influence. On each of these events a person develops her own ideas which will ultimately be reflected on the beliefs she embraces.

The constant search of negative references and the mental repetition of limiting phrases such as “I’ll never make it” lead us to unconsciously adopting negative behaviors. In this context, we are subjugated by the negative suggestions that we repeat to ourselves incessantly. The only way to break free from this constraining spiral is to be aware of our power to change negative approaches. Change has to start right now.

That’s why it’s so important to have and to form positive ideas, in order to let them to turn into deep, automatic positive beliefs. In this way these positive beliefs will influence our behavior, and will lead us to a successful life, full of victories. Hence, the first sentence of this post: If we believe that we are able to do something, we’ll do it. If we believe we cannot do something, we won’t do it.

Exercises

• Repeat 5 times: “I am a positive person, I can achieve my goals and I…” (complete the phrase)
• Identify a negative idea you have. Think about how you could turn it into a positive idea.
• Meditate about your main goals right now. Are they realistic, are they attainable?
• Do you fear failure? Meditate about this: Fearing failure is natural. Everyone fails. The problem is not failure, the problem is to halt after failing. Winners, leaders keep trying, and that’s why they’re are successful and different.

A version of this post, in Spanish, can be read here.

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Leadership can be defined as the will to control processes and events, to understand what is required to focus all of the involved activities in a specific direction, and to yield the power to complete tasks and distribute resources, properly harnessing and directing the abilities of each person involved in the project. Summarizing, leadership is about control, focus, and also about effective management of people and resources.

There are two kinds of leaders:

1. Nominal Leaders: The main goal of nominal leaders is to establish, between her organization and its environment, a set of relations which allow the perfect execution of a project’s tasks. A nominal leader defines such tasks and monitors them to verify they are carried out entirely.
2. Concrete Leaders: This kind of leader expresses and represents the perspectives of her group. It might happen that the nominal leader will not properly represent or understand the emotions of her people, and under such circumstances, a concrete leader could emerge and oppose the inpetitude of the nominal leader (and even replacing her.)

This tell us a very important fact: groups follow the person which is able to quickly and clearly connect with their emotions. Leadership is, then, also an emotional journey.

Some leaders are more effective managing small groups, instead of huge organizations. Other leaders are able to inspire great masses, but are little respected by their immediate collaborators. And there is a third group of leaders, the best leaders, whose followers are everyone: masses and close collaborators.

Regardless of the cognoscitive field a leader adresses, they have several interesting characteristic which distinguish them from everybody else. The 3 most visible characteristics of leaders are:

1. They have achieved incredible success in their work and in their private lives; it’s often said about them that they have the Midas touch.
2. They seem to own an unlimited luck.
3. They are rich, and they are getting richer (even right now).

There exists a wrong belief about leadership being a hereditary, genetic issue. And some people think being a successful, real leader is a matter of luck. Nothing further from the truth. Leadership has to be built, has to be shaped, and (very important) has to be mantained. And there’s always room for improvement.

All of we are able to achieve professional success. But we have to study, we have to observe, we have to learn which are the traits of leaders and the keys for success. Obviously, success can be achieved, taught and learnt: we have to reshape a set of our behaviors, and suit them to the profile of a successful person. We have previously touched upon 3 visible traits of leaders. Now it’s time to delve into this point. And now we’ll discuss the two key traits of leaders:

Motivation

Leaders are like tireless motivation machines. Leaders are continuosly motivating themselves, and they renew their motivations easily, almost effortlessly. Leaders communicate and convey their motivation to the people around them. Leader are always motivated, and always motivating their people.

Perseverance

And motivation is the fuel for the kernel of success: perseverance. They are entrepeneurs and innovators. Generally, successful people have faced harsh beginnings. What distinguishes them is their faith in what they are doing, in what they are pursuing. Leaders believe. Leaders insist in their projects, goals and tasks. They set realistic tasks, and they fight over and over until fully completing each one of such tasks. How many times do common people abandon their startups at the first view of difficulties? How many projects are never realized just because of plain laziness? It’s in that initial moment of doubt when leaders raise above the crowd. Leaders keep going forward, because they are relentless fighters. Note that leaders are perseverant in work and effective use of their resources. Perseverance without a rational application of forces and use of resource will only lead to an utter failure.

And what’s life but a struggle against the chaotic forces of the universe? Leaders are the warriors who are able to tame those chaotic trends

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Don’t get involved in partial problems, but always take flight to where there is a free view over the whole single great problem, even if this view is still not a clear one.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

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1. Buy only what you really need. It’s a matter of responsibility. Get to know all of the responsibilities in owning and using a credit card, and please make wise decisions about the items you really need to purchase versus the ones you simply wish to have. It’s important to learng to distinguish between Need to purchase and Wish to have. By using your cards responsibly we mean you should learn to recognize which things you need and which things you just want. If you use your credit card to buy things you can’t afford today, chances are that you won’t be able to afford it tomorrow, or next month, and you will quick and steadily get into debt. Then don’t live a borrowed lifestyle, be true to yourself.

Responsible purchases help to keep lower balances, which are easier to manage and pay off than those that are higher. Further, lower balances helps you maintain a good credit score, as a large part of your credit score takes into account the levels of debt you have raised. Ideally you should stay within 30% of your credit limit.

Responsibility also means remembering your credit card payment. If you cannot make your monthly payment on time, let your creditor know in advance. Call him, explain the problem and ask that any late fees be waived.

2. Rather than seeing your card as debt or emergency funds, see them as liabilities that have to be paid. It’s about focus. Don’t recur to your credit card to make everyday purchases. Goods and items such like clothing, apparel, and gas shouldn’t be purchased with a credit card. If you use your credit card as a substitute for cash you may quickly grow debt. It’s true that some transactions may require credit cards (buying an airline ticket, renting a car or shipping an overnight package), but prefer cash or debit cards when possible.

3. And pay off your cards in full every month (or at most every two months). It’s about being smart. If you pay your card balance in full each payment cycle, you can use the bank’s money interest free for about a month. If you don’t pay your bill in full each month and make further purchases you will soon find yourself clobbered by debt (specially interest payments) on a rocketing balance. This is very, very dangerous to your financial health and can heavily hurt your credit score. Similarly, keep out of the habit of making minimum-only payments. This bad habit increases the amount of time it will take to pay off your credit card debt, and also increases interest payments. In short: to pay your debts off cheaper and quicker, pay as much as you can on your balance each cycle.

Being smart also means that you should negotiate a lower interest rate whenever possible. Remember that interest rate determines how much you pay for carrying a balance on your credit card. Study your interest rate on your credit card periodically to be sure you are getting the best deal possible. And get rid of credit cards with high and hard interest rates (but take into account that closing cards that still have a balance, or cards which make up a significant part oy tour credit history may hurt your credit score.)

Finally, remember that credit cards are essentially high-interest loans. Using them to buy everyday goods (household items, apparel, food, etc) sounds silly, and that’s why credit card holders who don’t pay their bills in full each month are not being smart. Certainly, if you don’t have the money to pay for an item now, chances are you won’t have it after the credit card bill arrives. So be smart.

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